10 people found in every office

1. The Jolly Fat Woman
   By law, one has to exist in every office building in the UK. Within hours of starting work there you know them by name already and alot about what they do at the weekends. Over friendly and over confident, very loud and laughs at her own jokes. Most likely to be married to another jolly, fat man who used to work in the office or a lorry driver.
2. The Office Gay
   Someone who not actually gay, but gets the brunt of all the gay jokes. He has a wife or girlfriend, but no-one has ever seen her. Plays up to the gay taunts and ends up being more gay as a result. A vicious never ending circle of abuse throughout his career. Often to be found with a hosepipe stuck on the exhaust of his car in the car park.
3. The Anal Manager
   The bloke who is so caught up in his procedures and processes that he even pisses at pre-determined intervals scheduled and managed by change control documents. Sticks to the rules no matter what. Buzzwords are his language and teamworking, networking and brainstorming are his favorite hobbies. Wanker.
4. The iPod Guy
   Someone you strive to be like. He sits at his desk and listens to his iPod all day long. Obviously lucky enough to have a job where you don't have to use the telephone, he lacks social skills but makes up for it by having a great MP3 collection on his hard disk which he shares with you all. Most likely to be found drumming on his knees in the toilets for 20 minutes at a time.
5. The Clock Watcher
   He's there at 9am and leaves dead on 5:30pm. Not a minute early, not a minute late. You can set your watch by that guy. He also makes sure he takes as many 15 minute breaks as the smokers in the office too - just so he does'nt work 1 minute longer than he should. Possibly ex-army or police force. Most likey owns a caravan.
6. The "Unlucky In Love" Woman
   Aged between 30 and 40, she has had quite a few failed relationships - possibly with co-workers. She is quite bitter and can often be heard snivelling in the toilet or slagging someone off to her other "unlucky in love" friends. Most likely to be crying into a bar of chocolate of an evening, binge dieting and reading OK Magazine.Not to be confused with "The Dog Lady" who is just as pathetic but who's life revolves around her pets and brings in photos of them to show everyone. She had a shower this morning, but she still just smells of dog.
7. The Twat
   No-one likes him but he thinks he is sucessful and popular. In fact, his manager tries to find ways for him to cock up so that he can get him sacked. His mere presence fills you with unusual anger and your tounge becomes tainted with severe sarcasm. You take the opposite opinion to everything he says. Not taken seriously by anyone in the office, he will get promoted slower than that pot plant you brought to the office to make it look nicer.
8. The Unobtainable Woman
   She's gorgeous! She is very sexy but knows it. Her most powerful business tool is sex and she knows how to use it. She can often be confused with the Unlucky In Love Woman as she is most likely to be married to a total tosser who treats her like shit. Make friends with her though as you might be able to go for the sympathy shag after the Christmas do when she is feeling down about her relationship.
9. The Winger
   In every meeting where a new process has to be announced or some changes are to be made, The Winger will be there ready to pipe up with some unforeseen issues and complications. Sees the bad in all situations. Most likely to say things like "well... thats not on my job description" or "when i am paid enough to do that role, then I will...". Can often be found being promoted quickly - just to keep them quiet.
10. The Geezer
    A smoker, a drinker and an all round good bloke! A real charmer with the women and someone who you would want to go out to the pub with after work. He has a fast car and lots of disposable income as he is not married and ditched his last "bird" as she was shit in bed. But really, she dumped him for having an errection problem. Often to be found living at home with his parents and crying himself to sleep alone in his bedroom as it's all a front for his deep rooted depression.

Which one are you?

Don't forget to also check out my "10 Things found in every office" post.