Qvestionz…?

Here are the instructions:

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying “Interview me.” “Blow me” or “Eat me” are not acceptable substitutes.
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person’s will be different. I’ll post the questions in the comments section of this post.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Here are the answers to the questions that Captain Beefheart posed to me earlier today.

1: If you had to give up sex, meat or a testicle, which would you rather lose?
I do eat meat - but only occasionally and only the B-grade meats (burgers, bangers n bacon) but i always choose vegeburgers over meaty burgers any day. So meat is my answer. Sex and balls go hand in hand (excuse the pun) so thats a no-brainer!

2: If you could choose between a bigger penis, a bigger house or a bigger brain, which would you choose?
Definitely a bigger house - with no mortgage please! Now i’m married, I don’t have to worry about the size of “Little Taoski” any more. What you see is what you get luv - it’s too late now!

3: If you had to kill a celebrity live on TV in order to save the life of someone really, really nice, who would it be and how would you do it?
I would have to execute Kevin McCloud, the presenter of Channel4’s Grand Designs. Although I do love the program I detest the cut of the mans phrasing and “management bullshit” style of speaking, complete with over-used gesticulation, metaphor and intonation. He would definitely have to be pushed into the freshly dug footings on a building site and then covered in a grey cement death shroud.

4: If you could choose a super power (as in flight or invisibility, not the USA or Red China), what would it be?
I would have to have “The Force” as popularised in the space-opera Star Wars 1-6. I would use this power to determine which toilet stall had just been used by the person washing his hands as I enter the bathrooms at work. Its a 1 in 3 chance, but i always choose the one with the sweet sickly smell of a freshly dropped nut-log complete with a pubic hair adorned seat. I also had the idea of using The Force to “defragment” the space left around the cars in my road so I was able to park!

5: If you had to be stuck in a lift with food, water and a waste pipe for a week, which person - living or dead - would you choose to have with you? (If they are dead now, they would actually be alive in the lift. We won’t put you in there with a corpse)
A week is a long time to suffer the indignaty of being stuck in a lift (elevator for you US readers). Maybe someone like the Dali Lama or another spiritual teacher would be best. He could teach me the path to enlightenment whilst we both pushed our poop down the waste tube.