I liked X-Files, I like LOST and Heroes - but Fringe just does not float my boat.

Here I can tell you how to write your own episode of Fringe by combining several of the key elements in each episode together to create your own amazing masterpiece:

Opening credits:
Think of something weird that can happen.  Ensure that someone dies (you will need them later so they can be communicated with).  Perhaps consider that the death may be caused by someone else who then disappears.

Preamble:

Either:

a: Cut to Dr Walter Bishop and Peter Bishop having a discussion about something unrelated to the plot.  Insert some surreal random humorous comment from Walter and perhaps throw in a line or 2 about Peters childhood.  They get a call from Dunham about a new "odd death" that they can help with and run out the door to help.

Walter: "When you were a boy, you used to read stories about windmills..."
Peter: "Yeah. I remember".
Walter: "Windmills... They remind me of a project I once ran in my lab to do with making an alternative power supply for the military from Bananas"
Peter: "Bananas!?!?".
Walter: "Oh yes Peter.  Surely even you can see the similarity between the Windmill and the plight of the Banana growers of Africa.  It reminds me of a project I once did in my lab....potassium!  Aha!"

or

b: Show FBI agent Olivia Dunham (in bed alone looking sad and tired) getting a call in the early hours of the morning from Broyles to attend the "strange death scene".  She also picks up Walter and Peter on the way.  Add some comedy lines as Walter cannot sleep and is annoying Peter etc..

Dunham: "No.. I wasn't sleeping....  Ok I'll be right there."
Walter: "Can we stop for some Bananas?"

Plot:

1. Walter takes the dead body back to his "lab" and calls his assistant by the wrong name (again).
2. Cut to Broyles talking to Dunham about the Pattern and how they have seen this type of unusual death before in 12 other locations around the world - but have come up with no leads and no way of telling how it happened.  They had their best FBI scientists on the case and found nothing.
3. Walter examines the body and makes a correct diagnosis and cause of death within 2 minutes.
4. Walter reveals he has "worked on this project before or something like it" when he was younger (possibly with a colleague who has now "gone bad") and needs to find his old case notes.
5. Case notes are found and Peter and Walter find the name of the person who is causing the deaths.  Dunham contacts her mate, Charlie, at the FBI who turns up information within 2 minutes that they have previously not been able to find, no matter how hard they tried.
6. Dunham grabs coat and runs out of Bishops Lab and goes after the bad guy.

Conclusion:
Dunham finds the bad guy (possibly add Peter into the chase scene).

Either:

a: The bad guy gets killed and can tell them nothing.

or

b: Walter gets to communicate with the dead through the use of some garden wire, a car battery and some bulldog clips on Peters nipples to get the information they need.

Finish with Dunham and Broyles having a conversation in the FBI office.

Dunham: "So you think this has something to do with The Pattern?"
Broyles: "I don't know.  Here.  Let me show you this file we found on the body of the person that died in that accident at the beginning of the show.  It links pieces of equipment used to cause that accident to a top secret project run by Massive Dynamic."

Then you can segway the whole plot into something created or managed/designed/owned by Massive Dynamic.  Perhaps finish with sexy office vixen Nina Sharp at Massive Dynamic discussing Agent Dunham's "progress" with an unknown other to tie the whole series together.

Nina: "She is showing quite a lot of progress.  Is it time to bring her in to the company?"
Other: "No.  Not yet.  She is only just at the tip of the iceberg.  She doesn't need to know more yet..."
Nina: "Can we stop for a Banana?..."

Sub Plots to include:

• Something to do with the piano that is in Walter Bishops lab.
• Include a reference to the mental hospital Bishop was in.
• Include at least one line from the Cow that Bishop keeps in the lab.

And that concludes my How to write a Fringe episode tutorial!

In the Night Garden

If you thought Teletubbies was perfect for relaxing with a spliff whilst the tales of the noo-noo and Tinky Winky puff you off to the tubbytronic-super dome in the purple hazed sky, then you have seen nothing yet. This really is "Class-A kids tv".

It all starts with a little blue chap called Igglepiggle on his boat in the ocean. Igglepiggle looks kind of retarded with a potato for a head, a red comfort blanket in one hand and a rattle in the other. He drifts off to sleep and is transported to the Night Garden, where his friends live.

Upsy Daisy, the ethnic ragga-doll who is always dancing. She also has a bed tht runs away from her and she has to chase it around, whilst dancing.

The Tombliboos, who are three small baby creatures who make the Roswell alien look cuddly. There is a shot of The Tombliboos asleep that would make any hardened parent shiver with fright. They look like little hairless birds or something. Just plain odd!

Makka Pakka lives in a cave with his favorite stones, which he cuddes at night. He also pushes around something called the Og-Pog which carries his sponge which is used for cleaning the other creatures in the night garden.

The Pontipines and the Wottingers are families of tiny people that live in a tree. They are like little clothes peg people and move around in a stop-frame animation style reminicient of bagpuss. Each family has ten members, so we know what they have been doing in that tree all winter!

The most odd are The Haahoos, which are great big enourmous brightly coloured inflatable shapes that inhabit the Night Garden and can be seen leering in the background like scary clowns who are just seconds away from "getting stabby".

Of course there is also the Ninky-Nonk, a small train made from oddly shaped houses which seems to be small one minute and then giant the next. Large enough for the creatures to go into and then out of, and then into again over and over. The Ninky-Nonk also has a fellow transport friend known as the Pinky Ponk which is an airship that farts and squelches as it drifts through the forest landscape.

I have failed to find some footage to share on here, but I will post some as soon as it appears on YouTube or somewhere like that. It really has to be seen to be believed.

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