The floor swallowed me up

I raced home on my bike, through tearing winds and quickly departed back up the hill with my folder of documents, duplicate keys and two cars to part exchange in convoy. I did all the paper work with the salesman, signed over the old cars to a rusty grave at the local auctioneers, updated the V50 documents and dealt with all the formalities. The i’s were dotted and the t’s were crossed.

They had my old cars now and I was sorry to see them go but i no longer had insurance to drive them after today anyway. The deal was done. I could see my new car sitting not 20 meters away, waiting for me, calling me…

I went to pay the outstanding £3.5k balance on my debit card…

DECLINED

“oh… oh shit… oh crapping shit!”

I started to feel a little light headed.

“Try a lower amount, say… £2k, just in case there is a limit on the transaction amount - you know… for fraud or something…?”

DECLINED

“shitty crap crap shit crap!”

A quick call to the lady at the bank told me all i needed to know.

Although they tell you that the money is in your bank account - you can’t have it!
No no no! How silly of me! Of course! How could i have been so stupid!
“WHAT THE **** ARE YOU PLAYING AT?”

“we cannot release the funds… not until the cheque for £3.5k clears that you put in last week.”

DOH…

I left feeling empty, sucked dry of any excitement and pumped full of the pain of embarassment. The salesmen cowboys ran my red face out of town and herded my two cars away to be branded, slaughtered and sold. They jeered at me from behind their advertisement window paintings as i left putting the final knives of pain in my back as i trod the lonely road home.

But i will be back.

“And this time… i’m gonna bring my money!”

In the words of Hugh Grant…

“Bugger!, bugger bugger bugger bugger!”

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