The wooden horse of crud

I had the misfortune to watch Troy last night on Sky Movies. It was one of those movies where I couldn’t wait for it to end. After around 30 minutes I was already thinking “Jesus! still two hours to go!….. where’s the bleach”.

Brad “Shaven Simian” Pitt rippled muscle and hammed it up in his “dumb but deep” role as Achillies who did nothing but fight and sleep with women. I really cannot see what women see in Brad. Not that I am “gods gift” or anything…. but that man is ugly and stupid!

The only thing more wooden than Pitts acting was the fabled “Horse Of Troy” which was impressively built from parts of sea faring vessels, broken down and re-assembled in a perfect horse shape. Quite how unskilled soldiers managed to assemble such an impresive device miles from home on a beach though, we will never know. The Wooden Rabbit from Monty Python was much better!

Simpering oily fop, Orlando Bloom completed the poor cast with his gibbering wimps impression of a young Prince who stole the wife of his adversary only to bring upon himself an army of a thousand ships. What she saw in a wet, fish-like person like him we shall only guess. Lets hope they make a film of The Silamarillion soon…

Taoski rating: Toss